Could it be autism? Why adult autistics aren’t always recognized

“I always did well in school. I have a university degree. I have a job. And yet I’ve spent my entire life feeling exhausted from social interactions—and then I wondered: what if it’s autism?” ~ Sarah C. (late diagnosed autistic adult)

Mini Screener: “Could I Be Autistic?” – A 5-Question Self-Check

1. Do you often feel like you’re “performing” in social situations instead of being yourself?
2. Do you often feel out of sync with others in conversations or group settings?
3. Do you avoid certain social or sensory environments because they feel overwhelming?
4. Do you tend to obsess over specific interests or topics, sometimes losing track of time?
5. Do you feel exhausted from trying to keep up with social expectations or hide parts of yourself?

If  you answered “Yes” to 2 or more:

You may benefit from further screening.

We recommend starting with the RAADS-R, AQ, and CAT-Q—three validated tools that explore autistic traits, masking, and lived experience.

Why Autism in Some People Appears Hidden

For many autistic people—especially those without intellectual disability—autism doesn’t look like what most people expect. You might have done well in school. You might have a job, a family, and a rich internal world. And still, something doesn’t quite fit.

Behind the scenes there is a constant hum of effort: interpreting social cues, replaying conversations, preparing scripts for interactions that others seem to do with ease. In reality autistics are doing a lot of work: the quiet act of holding back a stim, copying someone’s smile, or adjusting tone mid-sentence to sound “just right.” Over time, these adjustments shape how others see you: competent, agreeable, even charismatic. But they also erode your energy, your clarity, your sense of self.

Many of us do not realize that we are doing it at all. We just know that we’re exhausted after social interactions while others are invigorated. That solitude is essential, and that the world is too loud, too bright, too fast. Many of us have learned to compensate so well that the people around us don’t see the toll it takes. And often, neither do we.

Many autistic adults become so used to masking that they don’t realize how often they’re doing it. The CAT-Q—Camouflaging Autistic Traits Questionnaire—can offer insight into those hidden efforts.

Because of these surface-level strengths, autism often gets missed—especially in adults. Often we are misdiagnosed and told we have anxiety. Or OCD. Or ADHD. You may receive a diagnosis that explains part of your struggle but never quite the whole story. This is especially common in women and high-masking individuals, where internalized distress and socially adaptive behaviour can disguise the underlying neurology.

But a hidden difference is still a difference. And over time, unrecognized autism often reveals itself—not through stereotypical traits, but through burnout, shutdowns, and a deep longing to just be understood.

What Current Research Tells Us

In recent years, research has begun to catch up with what many late-diagnosed autistic adults have long known: autism doesn’t always look the way the diagnostic manuals described it.

Studies now estimate that up to 70% of autistic individuals have no intellectual disability—and many navigate life for decades without realizing they’re autistic.^[1]Prevalence of Autism Spectrum Disorder Among Children Aged 8 Years — Autism and Developmental Disabilities Monitoring Network (Baio et al., 2018)^[2]Autism spectrum disorder (Lord et al., 2020) They may excel in school, hold down demanding careers, and appear outwardly capable. But underneath, they’re often managing chronic anxiety, sensory overload, and a deep sense of difference they can’t quite name.

Part of the reason for this disconnect is historical. Diagnostic criteria were built around observable behaviours—most often in children, and more often in boys. That means many autistic women, nonbinary people, racialized individuals, and emotionally perceptive adults with high verbal skills were simply overlooked.

Their experiences were often reframed as something else: anxiety, OCD, ADHD, or even borderline personality disorder. These diagnoses may explain part of the picture—but not the whole. The do not explain the social exhaustion after masking all day. Nor the lifelong feeling of being “off-script.” They also do not explain the comfort of being alone, or the joy of hyperfocus, or the pain of being misunderstood even when you’re trying your hardest to connect.

Research also highlights how autistic–non-autistic misattunement—what’s now known as the double empathy problem—can make autistic differences seem like deficits, when they’re really mismatches.^[3]On the ontological status of autism: The ‘double empathy problem’ (Milton, 2012)^[4]Autistic peer-to-peer information transfer is highly effective (Crompton et al., 2020) In other words, it’s not that autistic people struggle to connect—it’s that the way we connect may not be recognized or reciprocated in neurotypical terms.

Taken together, these studies are shifting the narrative: from autism as a disorder of deficits, to autism as a difference in perception, processing, and relational rhythm.

Is This You?

Autism isn’t always visible. It often lives in the pauses between words, the tension behind a smile, or the long exhale after social performance. It lives in the ways you quietly adapt, endure, and decode a world that doesn’t quite make sense—but expects you to make sense within it.

Here are some signs that may resonate with you, especially if you’ve wondered whether autism could explain your lifelong experiences:

• You feel deeply tired after social interaction, even if nothing “bad” happened. You might need hours or days to recover from events others seem to enjoy and move on from quickly.

• You script conversations in your head, replaying them afterward to analyze how you came across—or what went wrong.

• You’ve been told you’re too intense, too sensitive, too much. You might feel everything all at once, or not know how to explain what you’re feeling until long after it passes.

• You notice details others miss. A flickering fluorescent light, a shift in tone, the texture of your clothing.

• You have strong preferences and routines that help you feel regulated—but others may call them rigid.

• You relate deeply to animals, music, or fictional worlds, but find real-life relationships confusing or overwhelming.

• You’ve been diagnosed with anxiety, OCD, ADHD, or a mood disorder—but treatment only ever addressed fragments of your experience, not the full picture.

• You often feel like you’re acting. You study how others move, speak, and respond—and try to imitate it, hoping it will help you fit in.

• You find comfort in solitude, structure, or deep interests, but you might also carry a quiet ache for connection that feels just out of reach.

If even a few of these feel familiar, you’re not alone. Many autistic adults—especially those who mask well or appear outwardly competent—spend years thinking they’re simply “bad at being human,” when in fact, they’ve been adapting to a world not built for their neurology.

What an Adult Autism Assessment Can Offer

For many adults, considering an autism assessment is about searching for language and understanding that reflects who they are.

By the time most people seek an assessment, they’ve already lived years—sometimes decades—adapting to a world that didn’t make sense, wondering why life feels harder than it seems to for others. They’ve tried therapy. They’ve been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, or ADHD. They’ve been told they’re too sensitive, too intense, or just need better boundaries. But something deeper feels like it has not been identified.

A comprehensive autism assessment can help connect those dots.

It doesn’t just ask, “Do you meet criteria?” It asks:
– How does your brain process the world?
– How do you experience relationships, emotion, and sensory input?
– What have you been doing—often invisibly—to keep functioning in spaces not designed for you?

At Embrace Autism, our assessments are designed specifically for adults—especially those without intellectual disability and those who’ve spent years masking. We understand how subtle autistic traits can be misread, how internal experiences don’t always match external appearances, and how much relief can come from finally being seen clearly. Our psychologists are autistic and AuDHD themselves.

We don’t see autism as a deficit. We see it as a different way of relating to the world—rich, nuanced, and worthy of understanding on its own terms.

Ready to Explore Further?

If any part of this resonates with you, we invite you to take the next step. You can start with our free self-assessment tools, or reach out to schedule a full adult autism evaluation with our affirming, neurodivergent-informed team.

👉 Learn more about our autism assessments for adults
👉 Take the CAT-Q to explore how much you’re masking
👉 Start with our free autism screening tests